Upset the Status Quo or Accept Unhappiness

Posted by Andrew_Cox

I feel like I have tons of ideas.  Ideas about how to improve myself, how to help my friends, and projects that could really improve my work.  My biggest obstacle?  Myself.  We all need rest and to take breaks to refocus our thoughts, but what if we use that as an excuse to never take the necessary actions?  Some days, even some weeks go by and I think to myself, “I had the best intentions but something always got in the way.”  Did it though?  Why does it seem like some people have the capacity to constantly push and focus relentlessly on their goals while others can’t quite seem to get it together?  Obtaining information on anything is so easy and oftentimes we know what we should be doing but choose the easy path or the path others have chosen for us.  For example, a friend spent ten minutes complaining to me the other day about being out of shape and how it was destroying her confidence and she felt terrible all the time.  As we talked she was eating a brownie and snacking on chips.  She has all the information she needs to change her behavior, but lacks the will to act. Dictionary.com defines act as “anything done, being done, or to be done.”  This implies (in my mind) motion and movement, actual progress towards the goals you wish to achieve.  Not thinking, hoping, and dreaming about what you want but taking the dangerous steps to actually act.

Information is abundant.  And at some point the analysis must end and we actually have to implement our plans and ideas.  Even after we choose to act, there is still something that can impede our progress, namely friends and family.  They don’t want to see you hurt or fail so they mistakenly assume they should discourage your dreams.  They explain this insidious reasoning with statements like “I don’t want to see you disappointed” or my favorite, “be realistic.”  (Whatever that means, whose reality?)

I have an old friend named Joey who desperately wants to change his professional life.  He studied hard in school and found a great job after graduation but two years later all he wants to do is play in a band and bartend for some steady cash until he loses the passion for playing or make it big.  His live-in girlfriend of seven years tells him to “follow his passion” and “find his path all the time.”  Whenever they go out she talks about how he would be a great musician, but he knows, just as everyone else does, that she doesn’t really mean it.  She relentlessly talks about their picture perfect wedding and honeymoon, house, and cars.  She wants three children who will need the best of everything.  He knows he’ll be able to afford those things if he continues promoting at his company and she continues to do well at hers.  He is paralyzed by inaction.  On the one had he could achieve his dream and become a rich and famous star, and much more importantly, find happiness by following his passion or he can maintain the status quo.  But he needs to play it safe.  He needs to be realistic.  Why?  He’s afraid to give up the life he has chosen.  The pressure of family and conforming to those around him are overwhelmingly powerful.

The world we live in is a harsh place for a dreamer, especially when those closest to us think they are helping by trying to protect us from failure.  They are of course operating under the assumption that you can’t get hurt or experience failure if you never put yourself out there in the first place.  I don’t want to give up my dreams.  I don’t want to be realistic.  I am beginning to think that when someone tells you to be realistic that means they think you would be better off acting like them.  Why go out on a limb and risk putting ourselves through the danger of trying and failing.  But what is the point of living without trying to live your dreams?  My father had a friend he had known for years and his health had deteriorated rapidly in his mid-fifties.  His doctor told him if he didn’t stop drinking and smoking he would die within a year.  He didn’t even consider quitting.  His rationale? “What’s the point of living if you can’t do a little living?”

Every once in a while when I get bored in a conversation, I’ll sometimes steer the conversation to a question I like to ask people, especially those I don’t know.  I ask what they would do if they were given one hundred million dollars.  What type of work would they want to perform then?  How would they spend their time?  No one would really sleep all day and watch TV late into the night.  After people answer, and many say the same thing, I ask why they aren’t trying to find a way to make it reality.  Nine times out of ten I hear the same excuse.  Money.  I’m certainly guilty of using that as an excuse.  Well I sure would love to do [insert what you want to do] if only I had the money they say.  My question is, do you really need the money to do it?  How much do you actually need?  Could you start to earn a little extra by canceling the cable subscription or the newspaper?  How often to you drink or buy cigarettes and how much are these activities increasing your happiness?  Odds are you don’t need as much money to do what you want as you might think, you just need to get creative.  Steve Wozniak, one of the founders of Apple computers, once said something along the lines of “the greatest things we ever did was when we had never done it before and we had no money.”  That idea should resonate with people much more than it actually does.  It should resonate with me more than it actually does.  Of all the excuses not to act, money serves as the most obvious barrier. But with ingenuity, creativity, and a little luck money should never get in the way of happiness, and let me be clear, money does not equal happiness and I struggle with these just as much as anyone else.  Oh and that catchall response that almost everyone gives me to my one-hundred million dollar question: quit their job and travel.  I know a lot of people can’t step away from the lives to jet-set around the world with a spouse and children in tow but one way or another they chose to follow that path.  So set a schedule a few nights a week in the evenings or whenever to do whatever you want to do but start small.  If you have a family and a million distractions, plan even smarter and start even smaller.  Whatever it is you want to be doing with your time, find a way to begin doing it in even the smallest capacity and let it grow from there.  As I tell people (and I’m trying to tell myself constantly) what’s the worst that could happen?

Instead of settling into the status-quo, spend a week or even a day upsetting the balance.  I want struggles.  I want discomfort.  Hopefully, that way I will always be using my mind the way I was supposed to instead of allowing life to passively occur to me.  Maybe this isn’t the correct advice for a lot, many, or most people.  But it will resonate with some people as it does for me.  Who wouldn’t want to risk a little for happiness?  After all, what’s the worst thing that could happen?